Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the people around me. I've just realize that not many people dare to say things to my face, that I don't have many friends and that I try so hard to make people happy. Then I ask myself, why do I try so hard to make people happy or like me? Why am I so bothered that the fact that I don't have many friends? Also, why won't people be more honest with me ?
First question, why do I try so hard to make people happy or like me? I guess I wanted attention. Then again, I like to watch the people that I love to be happy because it makes me happy. But what about the people that I care less? Why do I still try to make them happy? Attention? Maybe. Do I feel happy when I make them happy? Not really. Maybe, because I can? Yeah, maybe that's why. I guess I like the challenge of trying to make people happy. Although I am a bit bias. I don't know why, but I love making guys happy than making ladies/girls happy. Maybe because I had a lot of bad experience with the ladies/girls. Well, that's another story.
Second question, why am I so bothered that the fact that I don't have many friends? I started being all lonely when I was 13 years old. Come to think of it, that's when most of my girl friends try so hard to be bitchy, pretty and popular. Maybe I wasn't that eager to change myself. I don't know. All I know is that I lost a lot of my girl friends because of guys. The girls thought that I was flirty because I like to hang out with guys but the truth is, I can handle guys more than I can handle girls. Yes! As a lady/girl, I admit that ladies/girls are COMPLICATED. Come to think about it, I should stop feeling bothered about this issue. I mean, I still have great friends, just not many. Right now, I have 5 great friends: Alif (loving and protective), Azmie (funny and understanding), Ili (my extra weird friend but I love her), Khai (she's sweet and adorable) and lastly, my latest friend, Fat (cute and naive). I appreciate them very much.
Third question, why won't people be more honest with me? That question, I can't answer because it involves other people but I can make assumptions. Maybe, they're scared of me? I don't know, it just seem that way. Or maybe, I look like a person that will explode when people are honest with me? Do I? I hope not. Maybe, I didn't take someone's honest opinion very well? Have I? Hmmm....maybe, I tend to be straight forward with things and people are afraid that I might say something that will hurt them with they were honest with me? Those are all MAYBEs. But, I do have answers from the people I love on why they weren't honest with me.
Alif: I didn't want the truth to destroy our relationship and sometimes, relationship is built from lies.
Azmie: I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
These two admit they lied to me but I forgive them. I prefer people to be honest with me. So I can just hope that people would be more honest with me. I can just HOPE.
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