A Day in My Room

Sitting at my table, thinking about a whole bunch of things that I think are so unrelated to what I'm going through now that I think I should stop thinking about it because then people will think I think too much. What am I saying? I'm talking nonsense. Oh well..at least I'm expressing my thoughts. Come to think about it, I feel pleasant when I'm in my room. No stress, no problem, never feeling any displease from my roommates. In my room, there is M, the japanese looking girl who always study hard. She is the one that always keep me motivated to study. Then there's A, she's pregnant and she never judge people without hearing the story from both sides. The cute little engineering student, Z, who is always on the go and up and ready.

Everyday, M will be studying or doing assignment and she always does it with a steady pace. When I see her, I feel a sudden rush of excitement of...I'm not sure, study plus a certain positive feeling that I love. It's hard to explain. She loves Japanese culture, clothes, songs, stories etc. If you ask me of what I think about her, well I'd say she gives good motivational spirit to people around her. I don't know about other people but I certainly feel that way. I don't think she thinks too much (well she does cause she's always studying) but I think she worries too much. She can do a lot of things but she need someone to make her see that.

At a day in my room, Z will be studying or writing reports. I'm surprise by the amount of reports she and her group mates need to write. I have to admit, I'll get stressed out if I write too much report. I always see Z as cute and bubbly. Sometimes I disturb her because I was bored. She always listens to songs and I think her favorite singer is Taylor Swift. (It's kinda obvious..hehe) When I tell her stories like what I did on the specific day, she would listen to me. I know I talk alot. I just hope I don't bore her or anything.

Well, I can't say much about A because she hasn't come back since mid term break. I hope she's okay and well. I can't wait to see her baby.

I thought it would be nice to talk a little about them because they are always there, actually everyday, in a day in my room.

I can't keep this feeling inside anymore...

I have to admit, I really hate how I feel right now. It's really annoying. I feel like no one is listening to me. No one is thinking of how I feel. No one cares how I feel. No one wants to understand me. Why? I don't know.

Maybe because everyone is blaming me and I think I'm tired of it. I don't feel appreciated by anyone right now. Not from my special and close friends especially. I don't really mind if people blame me. I can take it. If it's my fault, I'll admit it but for god sake, tell me what I did wrong. Don't expect me to know cause sometimes I DON'T know!

I always wonder, why do people blame me? Am I that terrible of a person that I only deserve to be blamed by the people who are close to me? Did I do something really bad that the people who are close to me blame and hurt me? Or is it that I am not good enough for them? I don't know for sure because I just hide inside, pretend to be fine. Why? Because no one would listen to me.

I'm so glad I'm an optimist. No matter how bad something seem to look, I always see it in a good way. Yes, I should not think too much, I know. It's sort of my weakness but I can't help myself. I like to wonder at things and see it in different views. I'm sorry if anyone who read this feel offended or hurt in anyway. I just can't keep this feeling inside anymore..